Whoooo, getting this one out on Sunday like I'm supposed to. I'm giving myself high-fives for that. (Those who know me know I legit will be high-fiving myself). So if you did not know, August is thusly dubbed Anal August. So true to that name, I wanted to do a post completely dedicated to anal play. Now, perhaps this is an area you've always stayed away from because of fear, anxiety, safety concerns, etc. I hope today I can encourage you to give anal play a try, at least possibly.
#1 Why Can Anal Feel Good?
The reasons behind anal being pleasurable to someone will differ for everyone, and how pleasurable it will differ. This is affected by your anatomy, your experience level with anal play, your comfort level with your partner, any medical issues or concerns, and what type of pressure or play you enjoy. So, let's try and break this down a bit.
For starters, the anus and skin of the buttocks can be sensitive spots on the body. For many people, just touching these areas, not even penetrating, can feel pleasurable and exciting. Also, the anus has many sensitive nerve endings surrounding it that pick up on all sorts of sensations from heat, pressure, touch, tension, and more. If you choose to try penetrative play, it's important to note that aside from all the nerve endings in and surrounding the anus itself, the anal canal is also in close quarters to other pleasurable parts of one's anatomy, which can be stimulated via anal play. **The first time you play, it may well make you feel like you need to poop, and that's perfectly normal and ok; try to relax and breathe through the first time***
If you are a prostate owner, anal play will stimulate the prostate immensely, and it can get more pleasurable the longer you engage in that session of anal play, as the prostate becomes more sensitive as it swells. If you are a vulva owner, the A-spot or anterior fornix can be stimulated via anal penetrative play, which can sometimes be easier and not as painful for some people as going through the vulva. Orgasm should not necessarily be your goal, especially the first few times you engage in anal play. Many people will still need other stimulation, either of their penis or clitoris, to achieve an orgasm from anal penetration. If you can achieve an orgasm from anal penetration, many have found them to be a different type of orgasm. It can be an orgasm that comes in waves for prostate owners, and the ejaculation can be more of a slow oozing of fluid than an explosion. For vulva owners, the orgasm can also be much more of a full-body experience and possibly result in a lot of vaginal wetness. The key to enjoyable anal sex and orgasms is the right mix of relaxation and arousal, so do whatever helps get you in the mood. Take a hot bath, touch your other erogenous zones, or watch some porn.
#2 Basic Safety Measures
When it comes to basic safety measures of anal play, there is hygiene safety, safe sex practices, and ways to make play more enjoyable and safe, so let's break each down.
Hygiene Safety: Let's be real; shit happens, especially when talking about anything that has to do with butts. So let's get super honest and open here. Firstly, poop is not stored in your anus, it is stored in your upper bowels, so this means that unless you clearly felt the urge to use the restroom right before having anal play, chances are no legit poop will be messed within a session. That being said, there is fecal matter in your anus, colon, and lower bowels, and this could become dislodged during anal play. There are some options for cleanliness if this is a major concern for you.
Have a bowel movement 30-60 minutes before anal play
Take a shower. If you have a good solid bowel movement, a shower to clean off any residual fecal matter is often good enough.
Enema, or anal douching. While not typically necessary, especially if you have gone to the bathroom, it can help ease many people's minds to know the pipes are fully cleaned out.
NEVER EVER go from anal play to vaginal play, even if you have done an enema and showered. Wash your penis after anal play before inserting it into a vagina. Change condoms, and wipe the area around the base of the penis. Wash hands after anal play, or put on a new glove.
Put a towel down for easy clean up just in case.
Make sure nails are trimmed if you are using fingers for anal play because the skin inside the anus is thin and can be easily cut.
Shower after to ensure there is not any fecal matter or bacteria outside of the anus on the body
Safe Sex: Due to how thin the skin is inside the anus, it can tear easily, which means STI risk can be even higher. You want to make sure that you are practicing safer sex procedures as much as possible.
Wear gloves or finger cots if you are using fingers in play
Use a condom on any toy or penis that is inserted into the anus
Change condoms before putting a toy or penis into a vagina
Utilize dental dams or latex underwear if you choose to do oral to anal play
General tips to make anal play better:
Consider anal training. Much like dilators for the vagina, training your anus to take a larger item into it gradually is possible. There are great dilators and butt plug sets for this very reason. Kinkly has also been promoting the Odile for this very purpose lately, check it out here: https://shop.kinkly.com/pages/odile-butt-plug-dilator?utm_source=Master+List&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Odile+Email+%232
Go slower than you think you need to, especially the first few times. If there is pain or discomfort, take a break, play in other ways and then come back to it.
*****LUBE***** Make sure you are using plenty of lube; in fact, it's almost impossible to use too much for anal play, especially when you are new to anal play. The anus is not self-lubricating like a vagina, so lube is a necessity.
DO NOT; I REPEAT, DO NOT!!!!! Use a numbing lube or cream. The anus tissue is fragile and sensitive, and if you are in pain, you need to know to stop!! Numbing the area, while it may help you get to penetration, could also make you miss important cues your body is trying to give you to stop.
Try stimulating other parts of your body when you first practice penetration. Such as a vibrator on the clit or stroking the penis while insertion is happening to help you stay relaxed and associate the anal penetration with pleasurable sensations.
I have several shopping links to great websites and stores for purchasing toys from here on my website; check the link above. I want to go over some basic toys and what you need to know about anal play and toys.
***First and most important with any toy that will be inside the anus: The rectum actually has vacuum-like pressure that works in the opposite direction. Unlike the vaginal canal, the anal canal doesn't end — it leads directly to the colon. You can not just poop something out if it gets stuck up there. Make sure any toy used has a wide flange to keep it out or has a reinforced rescue cord or ring.***
Butt Plugs - A butt plug is just that, a plug for the rectum. It should have a flanged bottom to keep it from getting sucked into the anus. It will usually have a tapered shape, being more narrow at the top and larger as it gets closer to the base. These are used most often for stationary play, to feel full, or for anal stretching, to prepare for larger toys or a penis to enter the anus.
Prostate Massager - This is a toy made specifically to stimulate the prostate. Some have vibrating features, and some do not. Typically they are curved or have a bulbous tip to massage and apply pressure to the prostate. Often too, the flange will provide some pressure or stimulation to the perineum or have a cock ring attachment or more.
Strap-ons/Pegging - A strap-on is a harness system that one can literally "strap on" or attach a dildo or other phallic attachment to. This works well for those who do not have a penis, for penis owners who suffer from ED or other issues with getting or maintaining an erection, when you want to engage in double penetration, or for aspects of a BDSM scene. Often a strap-on is used for pegging. Pegging refers to the sexual activity of one person, usually a vulva owner, strapping on a dildo and penetrating a penis-owner anally. This is something to be taken slowly for those new to it but can be quite pleasurable for the penis owner as they can have their penis and balls stroked during strap-on play.
Anal Beads - Anal beads consist of a series of beads or spheres attached with a string or shaped together into silicone, plastic, or other material. The spheres usually start small and get larger down the strand. Anal beads are inserted into the anus and then are pulled out either slowly or quickly, depending on the intended effect. The pleasure this toy provides comes from the beads passing through the sphincter muscles.
Be sure that any toy that goes in your anus is made of sturdy non-porous material, like high-grade silicone, glass, or metal. And be careful not to use silicone lube on silicone toys as not to degrade the quality of the product.
Kinkly has tons of amazing positions on their website for varying abilities, genders, and purposes, so be sure to check it out. When it comes to what positions feel best for you for anal play, experimenting will be your friend. Many people start with positions where the partner enters from behind, but others enjoy the control they feel when they are in charge of the rate at which their partner enters them, such as a cowgirl type position. Also, don't be afraid to try a face-to-face position with your partner, either, such as a variation on missionary so that you can read their facial cues. Just remember to go slow and that this is all about fun and consent. You are allowed to change your mind at any point during anal play. Do not continue something if you ever feel uncomfortable or are in pain.
#5 What About Rimming or Eating Ass?
This topic is becoming slowly more and more discussed and mainstream, but there are lots of concerns when it comes to analingus, so let's discuss. It has many names, rimming, analingus, eating ass, tossing salad, etc., but it all boils down to mouth and anus oral/anal play. As we pointed out earlier, the anus is full of very sensitive nerve endings, so it makes sense that analingus could feel just as pleasurable, if not more for some people, like oral sex.
The issue most people have, though, are hygienic concerns. When using a finger, toy, or a penis, there's still a level of separation between you and someone else's butthole. Putting your mouth on someone's anus, though, is understandable brings about concerns. If you follow the hygiene practices already addressed in this post, you will be fine, though as far as cleanliness. If hair concerns have you worried, you can always shave or wax those too. Another common concern is passing gas. If you feel a fart coming on, you can always pull your partner up for a kiss or laugh about it and tell them to pause for a minute.
Analingus, just like anything else we do in the bedroom, requires communication. Let your partner know if what they are doing feels good or if you need more pressure or a faster motion. Don't be afraid to tell a partner you can't tonight because your stomach just isn't cooperating, or you are gassy, or just not in the mood. The key is to relax and enjoy receiving pleasure from your partner and/or giving your partner pleasure.